The White Elephant Legend

(written 2007)

Once upon a time when stories beginning with “Once upon a time” were as rare as diamonds there lived two farmers. Their names were Farmer Raj, and Farmer Haj.

This faraway land in which this story took place was a very mysterious and exotic country known as “Andia.” In Andia, people liked to eat curry very much. In fact, they liked curry so much that almost everyone knew how to make curry. There were cooking clubs and cooking schools and cooking colleges, all for curry. The Andians studied curry so much that they didn’t really study anything else. This was why people who could read, like stories beginning with “Once Upon a Time”, were more rare than diamonds.

Both Farmer Haj and Farmer Raj were could read. They believed that being literate, meaning being able to read, came with lots of good things called “benefits”. These benefits were:

a) Being able to record popular curry recipes for future generations

b) Being able to read ancient curry recipes

c) Being able to read stories, newspapers, and operating manuals

d) Being able to write letters

e) Being able to read letters

These were wonderful benefits indeed! That should be enough to make you glad you are literate. And, if it not enough, I should tell you that the people of Andia could not do any of those things I just told you about.

They couldn’t write down their curry recipes, so the only way to keep them was to keep passing them down from generation to generation. The sad thing was that the recipe would often be so changed with the passing of each generation that it could hardly be recognized as the original. Blue curry, for example, was actually blue two hundred years ago, but by this time the recipe had been so changed that it was yellow with specks of red. The only similarity was the name, but people pronounced it “bleu” instead of “blue.” (This was probably the influence of tourists from the faraway kingdom of Fronce)

And what about letters? They could not be written, nor read. If you wanted to tell a friend in a faraway province that you were getting married, or that you had a baby boy, you would have to dictate the message to a messenger. He would memorize it, (and not always accurately), and then make up a strange tune to sing it to so as not to forget. From that point he would run all the way to your friend’s place and recite your letter. This was really a bad way to do this, because by the time he arrived you would be celebrating your fifth wedding anniversary, or your son would be ten years old. That is, providing, the messenger arrived in the first place, and providing he did not get eaten by a dragon along the way.

So you should be glad that you can read.

Anyhow, Raj and Haj decided that the rest of Andia needed to learn how to read. They decided to start free reading lessons at the town plaza every Sunday when they brought the vegetables and eggs from their farms to market. Soon they had so many students that they had to recruit even more teachers to teach reading.

One day Yolanda Srilanka, the beautiful queen of Andia went out shopping to the market to buy a fancy Brada bag. She saw Raj and Haj teaching reading and was very impressed. That evening when she went home to the palace, the King Ganges of Andia asked her,

“Wife, (or marital partner, to be politically correct,) We need to find a noble cause to donate our annual charity fund to. Have you found one yet?”

“Oh yes!” the queen answered excitedly and clapped three times, paused, and clapped again. “I will invite them to the palace next week to be honored.” and then she fell down on the bed snoring. She was tired.

Next week while they were teaching in the market, Raj and Haj were tapped on the shoulder by two burly Andian guards with turbans on their heads and castes on their legs.

“The queen said to tell you that she wants you to come to the palace right now.” The guard said.

“Right now?”

“Yes. Right now.”

“Like, this right now, and not the other right now?”

“Yes. This right now.”

Raj and Haj went with the guards to the palace.

“What do you think they will do to us?” Raj asked.

“I do not know” Haj answered. “But I am afraid.”

They soon found out. As soon as they entered the throne room the air was filled with clapping sounds.

“Welcome.” Said Yolanda Srilanka. “Lords and Ladies of Andia, I present to you Raj and Haj. These humble souls are Spice farmers who teach the townsfolk how to read. In my intuition and God-given queenly shrewdness, I’d like to present them with this year’s Charity fund.”

Throughout the queen’s speech the king looked very sour. He looked sour like a lemon, and maybe even like a lime. He was illiterate, meaning he couldn’t read, and did not like people who could read. He thought that if all of Andia could read, they would be smarter than he was. He did not like the sound of that at all. Finally he came up with an idea. A slow grin spread across his face, and he looked like a smiling lemon, or maybe even a smiling lime.

“I am touched that these two very selfless farmers are giving of their time and resources to teach our ignorant people how to read.” The king said with a plastic smile, “So, I would like to present them both with this.”

He nodded to a servant on the side of the room who quickly brought in two large white elephants.

“Consider this my gift to you.” the king said sweetly. Once again the room filled with applause. The queen did not know that the king’s hidden plan, so she clapped and was happy.

Raj and Haj, however, were very aware of their dangerous situation. Thy knew that an elephant would eat up all of their crops in a week. How would they support an elephant? Much less TWO elephants? They could not upset the king by giving the elephants away or giving them less treatment that was less than the best .

“What are we going to do?” Haj asked Raj in despair. “We are ruined!”

“Faith, Haj, Faith.” Raj replied, laughing as his elephant licked his face. “I’m sure we can put them to good use somehow.”

Next week, Raj went to Haj’s house.

“It’s Sunday!” Raj said, “Let’s go to market. We have students to teach!”

“I can’t come now.” Haj replied. He was shoveling his elephant’s poop and frantically trying to feed it grass. “I have to keep the elephant alive. I’ll come later”

Raj went to market alone with his elephant. As he taught his students to read, he explained to them that his elephant needed to have some food. Most of his students were peanut farmers, so they got lots of peanuts for Raj’s elephant.

Next week Raj went to Haj’s home again. This time Raj was riding his elephant.

“Are you coming, my friend?” he asked.

“I can’t. I am planting peanuts in my garden.” Haj replied.

“But it is time for planting the cinnamon spices and the pepper!” Raj cried. “You can’t plant peanuts!”

“I have to or the elephant won’t have enough to eat! He’ll get thinner than he is already.”

Raj noticed that both Haj and his elephant had gotten very thin.

“At least make your elephant help you. Elle has been helping me in the fields every day.”

“What? You have married since I last saw you?”

“No, my friend. Elle is my elephant. With her help, my crops are doing very well.”

“You named your elephant? It’s a curse, not a pet! Besides, My elephant can’t help me now.” Haj said in despair. “He’s sick.”

“Come to market with me.” Raj said. “We have many students and they are giving me all the peanuts I need for Elle.”

“No. I must plant my peanuts!” Haj said stubbornly, digging his rich soil.

Raj went to market by himself again. This time he decided to use Elle as a whiteboard to write words on. The people liked Elle very much and they gave her lots of peanuts.

Next week Raj went to Haj’s home once again. He knocked on the door, but to his surprise it wasn’t Haj who answered.

“You’re not Haj.” Said Raj.

“You are right. I am not Haj. I am Faj.” Said Faj. “Haj does not live here anymore. He sold this house to me.”

“Where can I find him?” Raj asked.

“He lives next door in the little shack.” Faj said. “There’s a thin white elephant just outside the door. You can’t miss it.”

Raj went to Haj’s home.

“I cannot come today.” Haj said. His legs were sticking up in the air and he was digging a hole in the ground. “I must dig a well so my elephant can have water.”

Haj’s elephant looked very unhappy too. She was singing, “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head” in Andian.

“My poor friend!” Raj cried. “Here, accept this money. Some friends at the market gave it to me for you.”

“I do not need your charity.” Haj snapped. “Go away! I do not want to see you and your fat elephant again!”

Sadly, Raj and Elle went away to the market. That day Raj had twelve new students. By then, he had taught fifty people to read and they all had well paying jobs that only literate people could do. So, they brought Raj and Elle some money and peanuts every week. Elle would do stunts for the students. Everyone was happy, except Haj and his elephant.

Then one day a very wise man passed through town. He bought some spices at Raj’s stall and said,

“What a nice elephant you have there. Is it really a white elephant or is it painted white?”

“Of course it is a white elephant” Raj replied. “What do you take me for?”

“By Sumatra! I do believe it is!” the wise man said after rubbing some water into Elle’s white hide.

“My friend has a white elephant too.” Raj said.

“But that is not possible.” The wise man said. “There can only be one white elephant at a time in Andia. The other one must not be real!”

The next week Raj went once more to Haj’s small shack. He went to the door and said, “Haj! Are you there? It’s your friend, Raj. Please don’t be angry. I have some news for you.”

Haj came out of the hut. “I am sorry that I got mad at you last time you came.”

“Never mind that. It is in the past. I need to tell you something…no, I need to show you something.”

Raj took a bucket of water from Haj’s well and threw it on the thin white elephant. In an instant, the white elephant became a normal gray color and all the white paint came off.

“It’s not a white elephant after all.” Haj exclaimed.

“Yes!” Raj said excitedly. “That means you do not have to keep it. You can give it to someone who can take better care of it.”

“Thank God!” Haj sighed. “But what about Elle? Is she a real white elephant?”

“As real as they come.” Raj said proudly patting Elle’s long nose.

“That is too bad.” Haj said with a frown, “Now you will have to keep her.”

“No no no!” Raj was quick to say, “Elle is the best thing that could have happened to us.”

The End